Recently, Shawn and I recieved custody of Haylea and Tina... we had Larry to, but the court system gave him to his dad. So lately we have had to convert out garage into a bedroom for the girls, complete with carpet, bunk beds, dressers, and even posters on the wall to make it "homey." We have 6 people living in a two bedroom house.... well now with the garage a bedroom I guess you could say three bedroom. Bryanna and Allen both cry out during the night, so to keep one from waking the other, Allen is in our room with his baby bed, Bryanna has her room with her toddler bed, and the girls have the garage. We stay busy, with me working and going to school, Haylea has high school and the homework load that comes with that plus marching band on top of it all. Tina started a new school because we live in Hartford and can't afford to drive her back and forth to Southern all the time, and has now asked if she can do gymnastics or basketball, both of which change depending on the mood. Then you have Bryanna and Allen who are always running around doing this or getting into that.... However, we are doing fine, we take things mostly on a day to day basis... who has practice, whos going to be late for dinner, whos in the shower now, what time is- crap you should have been in bed an hour ago... but yeah, we are functioning.
However, Wendy calls today asking if the court system takes Larry away if Shawn and I will take him back.... I asked if there was anyone else.... the response is "no, so are you going to take him or are you going to send him to foster care?" What am I suppose to say to this?!
Shawn and I are just starting out our marriage, we have two young kids, the two girls, and she doesn't understand that we are pushing the limit, both on living space, and sanitity.
There are days I dont know if I will get to sleep, most nights I dont get to before 11 or 12, just to get back up at 5:30 and start all over again....
I've talked to Mom, and of course her house wont pass, Wendy says Mamma isnt a blood relative so he cant go there, Heather and Timmy and Noah are still trying to figure out this new way of functioning.... so Shawn and I are the only ones left.... I guess thats the answer... of no, theres not anyone else....
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Life
I have had alot on my mind lately, and i just dont understand some people. I dont understand how one of my sisters can pracitcally just give up her kids while she watches my other sister deal with the unstoppable loss of her son. It just doesnt seem fair to me.
She sets there and tells our mom on the phone, from jail, that shes sorry, she'll never do it again, shes learned her lesson.... and i just dont think i can believe her or trust her...... and i dont know how to feel towards her.
I dont by any means feel sorry for her, she brought this on herself.... she really is such a smart person, yet she makes some stupid, idiotic decisions..... I dont want to be mad at her, because she is my sister, but i look at her kids, knowing how much they have been through already, then i look at my mom and dad, my other sister - brother in law - and nephew and then even at my family.... at we have ALL been through so much lately...... how could SHE do this to us.... and yet act like were just suppose to go on and forgive her for all her problems.... I just dont understand it.
Mothers Day was horrible, i had to watch my mom who even though tried to be in good spirits you could tell it was still on her mind that her daughters in jail. My neices and my nephew who had to deal with not seeing their mom on mothers day.... and then poor Heather who has to deal with her first mothers day without the child that gave her her first mothers day.... just none of it seemed fair at all...
I old my nieces at night while they cry, while their mad, while they just dont know what to say, do, or feel.... and i dont know what to say, do, or feel, other than what i have been doing......
I just wish that she could really see what shes done, whats shes doing to us all..... and hope that she grows up, becomes a real mom, and gets her life together.....
She sets there and tells our mom on the phone, from jail, that shes sorry, she'll never do it again, shes learned her lesson.... and i just dont think i can believe her or trust her...... and i dont know how to feel towards her.
I dont by any means feel sorry for her, she brought this on herself.... she really is such a smart person, yet she makes some stupid, idiotic decisions..... I dont want to be mad at her, because she is my sister, but i look at her kids, knowing how much they have been through already, then i look at my mom and dad, my other sister - brother in law - and nephew and then even at my family.... at we have ALL been through so much lately...... how could SHE do this to us.... and yet act like were just suppose to go on and forgive her for all her problems.... I just dont understand it.
Mothers Day was horrible, i had to watch my mom who even though tried to be in good spirits you could tell it was still on her mind that her daughters in jail. My neices and my nephew who had to deal with not seeing their mom on mothers day.... and then poor Heather who has to deal with her first mothers day without the child that gave her her first mothers day.... just none of it seemed fair at all...
I old my nieces at night while they cry, while their mad, while they just dont know what to say, do, or feel.... and i dont know what to say, do, or feel, other than what i have been doing......
I just wish that she could really see what shes done, whats shes doing to us all..... and hope that she grows up, becomes a real mom, and gets her life together.....
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Lifes Challenges
I have always been brought up that God wont give you any more then what you can handle. Here lately though, I am beginning to think that he thinks my plate is a serving platter when its actually a saucer.............
I could say that my past two years have been a roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs, but with more ups then downs..... until here lately. Lately there are more downs then ups.
In Sept. of '07 Shawn and I received a wonderful gift from God, are perfectly healthy little Bryanna. Then in November, we got married, it wasn't the wedding of our dreams, but it will work until we have the one we really want. This is made us happy, we were a family, tied together by our vows to God.
Feb. of '08 brought the news that we were to have another baby. Allen came in Oct of '08 which was another wonderful gift.
November came, we celebrated our one year anniversary together. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, full of love and laughter, and celebrating Dads birthday. Then two days later we were drop kicked with the loss of Austin.
Austin is more then a nephew to me, I have always been close to him, and he always seemed more like my little brother then my nephew.... Which I guess is why I always called him "Bub" and have never been able to call any of the others that.
When Austin died, we never really had a reason. He was a young man with the world in the palm of his hands. Even though I know hes in a better place, it took me along time to not blame God. There are still days that I start to think if God is so great then why. But I try to quickly push it away and remember that no matter how much it hurts, he is in a better place, I never have to worry about him, and I will see him again one day.
My roller coaster seemed like it was just on a down hill coast and then in a low valley for the longest time, waiting for a reason for Austins death. Then even when we got one, it wasn't good enough and it still left me with God said it was time. I have no idea how Heather, Tim and Noah deal with this, or even how my mom has.....
Then as if we all haven't been through enough, Pappa died on Monday night. We were all expecting it, and he really was suffering, but its still hard. And I worked Tuesday ( which is when I found out), so I was crying at work.
Some older woman had the indecency to tell me they come in threes. Yes i know this but right after i had found out was not a good time to tell me. I threw her money in the drive thru drawer and told her to have a nice day because i knew i wouldn't and walked away from the window.
I know that I probably take all this a little to hard, and that i have dealt with it in ways that i shouldn't have, but i am working on it.
I could say that my past two years have been a roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs, but with more ups then downs..... until here lately. Lately there are more downs then ups.
In Sept. of '07 Shawn and I received a wonderful gift from God, are perfectly healthy little Bryanna. Then in November, we got married, it wasn't the wedding of our dreams, but it will work until we have the one we really want. This is made us happy, we were a family, tied together by our vows to God.
Feb. of '08 brought the news that we were to have another baby. Allen came in Oct of '08 which was another wonderful gift.
November came, we celebrated our one year anniversary together. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, full of love and laughter, and celebrating Dads birthday. Then two days later we were drop kicked with the loss of Austin.
Austin is more then a nephew to me, I have always been close to him, and he always seemed more like my little brother then my nephew.... Which I guess is why I always called him "Bub" and have never been able to call any of the others that.
When Austin died, we never really had a reason. He was a young man with the world in the palm of his hands. Even though I know hes in a better place, it took me along time to not blame God. There are still days that I start to think if God is so great then why. But I try to quickly push it away and remember that no matter how much it hurts, he is in a better place, I never have to worry about him, and I will see him again one day.
My roller coaster seemed like it was just on a down hill coast and then in a low valley for the longest time, waiting for a reason for Austins death. Then even when we got one, it wasn't good enough and it still left me with God said it was time. I have no idea how Heather, Tim and Noah deal with this, or even how my mom has.....
Then as if we all haven't been through enough, Pappa died on Monday night. We were all expecting it, and he really was suffering, but its still hard. And I worked Tuesday ( which is when I found out), so I was crying at work.
Some older woman had the indecency to tell me they come in threes. Yes i know this but right after i had found out was not a good time to tell me. I threw her money in the drive thru drawer and told her to have a nice day because i knew i wouldn't and walked away from the window.
I know that I probably take all this a little to hard, and that i have dealt with it in ways that i shouldn't have, but i am working on it.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Gods Greatest Gift--- Children (Allen's Part)
After we had Bryanna, Shawn and I both knew we wanted to have at least one more child, however we had planned to wait a couple years. Well, God didn't think we needed to wait that long.
We've never told anyone the whole "true" story of how we found out about Allen. But I guess it's time...
Well I was working at US Bank in Owensboro, and on my way to work one morning I realized that my period was late, so since wal-mart was right beside it I pulled in and grabbed a pregnancy test. I got to work a little early so I just went in, dropped off my things, and went to the ladies room to take my test. It came back positive. I was excited but at the same time a little depressed thinking that Bryanna was so small and I didn't want her to loose any baby time with mommy and daddy.
I held it in all day, and that day after work, I had to go back to walmart to get Shawn and Bryanna's Valentines Day gift (since I waited till the last day the 14th to get them). When I got home I immediatly told Shawn the news. He too was excited.
We talked about it for a while about how excited we were, and how both of us still wanted to make sure that Bryanna got her "baby time." We talked about the changes that would have to be made to the house (all of which still haven't been done), changes in income, and all the other things you talk about when you find out your pregnant. We also decided not to tell anyone until we knew for sure.
It wasn't a week later when I got my period, so we decided well the test must have been wrong.
A couple weeks later, I ended up getting really sick, I couldn't eat or drink anything for 2 days and I had a horrible pain in my side. On the third Shawn finally talked me into going to Urgent Care. We went in and they did blood work.
They found that my white blood cell count was extremely high, which led them to think it was my apendix. They sent me home and told me to come back the next morning for an MRI and some more tests.
Shawn had to work that day, so Viv, took me. They did another blood test and the results where the same, so he started the paper work. In the middle of it he asked if I could be pregnant, I said well I don't think so but there is that posibility ( since what happened a couple weeks earlier... but Viv didn't know so I didn't want to say anything).
I went back and took a test and came back. A few minutes later the doctor came in and said, well no MRI we'll have to send you for an ultrasound instead, because your pregnant. Viv just looked at me with tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face.... we left to go get the ultrasound and I called Shawn and told him the news..... once again we were both excited. ( It turned out not to be my apendix just a virus).
So, after that I made an appointment with my OB that I had with Bryanna, and went in to find out my due date. It was Oct. 21st, 2008.... exactly one year and one month after Bryanna's.
Both of our Children, apparently like to be early, not on time.....
The night of the 16th, I had contractions off and on all night, but they were never regular. And then around 6 that morning they just stopped. Shawn didn't care, he was hopeing that I had dialated more and they would go ahead and induce me, so he took off and went with me to the doctor.
We had to stop by my parents for a minute and then off we went. No sooner did we leave their driveway did the contractions start again.... hard. So we were getting hopeful.
When we got there Dr. Nemec said that unless things had really changed then we would only pick when to have him.... but he hadnt examined me yet, so he did that without anything to be said, he gets up and We're waiting to as we guessed pick the date. He turns and looks at us and says, go on to the hospital its time to have a baby.
At 3:24 pm on Oct. 17th, 2008 Mr. Allen Evan Uthe inroduced himself......
We've never told anyone the whole "true" story of how we found out about Allen. But I guess it's time...
Well I was working at US Bank in Owensboro, and on my way to work one morning I realized that my period was late, so since wal-mart was right beside it I pulled in and grabbed a pregnancy test. I got to work a little early so I just went in, dropped off my things, and went to the ladies room to take my test. It came back positive. I was excited but at the same time a little depressed thinking that Bryanna was so small and I didn't want her to loose any baby time with mommy and daddy.
I held it in all day, and that day after work, I had to go back to walmart to get Shawn and Bryanna's Valentines Day gift (since I waited till the last day the 14th to get them). When I got home I immediatly told Shawn the news. He too was excited.
We talked about it for a while about how excited we were, and how both of us still wanted to make sure that Bryanna got her "baby time." We talked about the changes that would have to be made to the house (all of which still haven't been done), changes in income, and all the other things you talk about when you find out your pregnant. We also decided not to tell anyone until we knew for sure.
It wasn't a week later when I got my period, so we decided well the test must have been wrong.
A couple weeks later, I ended up getting really sick, I couldn't eat or drink anything for 2 days and I had a horrible pain in my side. On the third Shawn finally talked me into going to Urgent Care. We went in and they did blood work.
They found that my white blood cell count was extremely high, which led them to think it was my apendix. They sent me home and told me to come back the next morning for an MRI and some more tests.
Shawn had to work that day, so Viv, took me. They did another blood test and the results where the same, so he started the paper work. In the middle of it he asked if I could be pregnant, I said well I don't think so but there is that posibility ( since what happened a couple weeks earlier... but Viv didn't know so I didn't want to say anything).
I went back and took a test and came back. A few minutes later the doctor came in and said, well no MRI we'll have to send you for an ultrasound instead, because your pregnant. Viv just looked at me with tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face.... we left to go get the ultrasound and I called Shawn and told him the news..... once again we were both excited. ( It turned out not to be my apendix just a virus).
So, after that I made an appointment with my OB that I had with Bryanna, and went in to find out my due date. It was Oct. 21st, 2008.... exactly one year and one month after Bryanna's.
Both of our Children, apparently like to be early, not on time.....
The night of the 16th, I had contractions off and on all night, but they were never regular. And then around 6 that morning they just stopped. Shawn didn't care, he was hopeing that I had dialated more and they would go ahead and induce me, so he took off and went with me to the doctor.
We had to stop by my parents for a minute and then off we went. No sooner did we leave their driveway did the contractions start again.... hard. So we were getting hopeful.
When we got there Dr. Nemec said that unless things had really changed then we would only pick when to have him.... but he hadnt examined me yet, so he did that without anything to be said, he gets up and We're waiting to as we guessed pick the date. He turns and looks at us and says, go on to the hospital its time to have a baby.
At 3:24 pm on Oct. 17th, 2008 Mr. Allen Evan Uthe inroduced himself......
Gods Greastest Gift--- children (Bryanna's part)
Growing up I was always the type that didn't want to be responsible for anyone but myself. I never wanted kids because I didn't want to have to settle down and take care of someone. The day we found out I was pregnant with Bryanna, all of those feelings changed.
I was so excited that I was going to be a mom, and Shawn just couldn't wait to be a daddy. When we heard her heart beat we were even more anxious, we started from that day counting down how many days till her due date.
Then on Sept. 15th, 2007 she granted us with her presence. After a day of helping my husband and my Dad work on water lines, we had just finished up and Shawn and I ran to turn the water back on, came back to make sure everything was good and then waited for Dad to get up to go back to my parents house. As soon as we walked across the front yard my water broke. Shawn turns to look at me as if "why did you stop walking?" I just looked at him and dad, squeezed his hand a little and said " I swear I didn't pee my pants."
Just 6 short hours of labor ( I still don't know why everyone complains about it, it was a piece of cake), and 3 1/2 pushes later there was our screaming 8lb 7 oz little girl.
And thats just the beginning of Miss Bryanna Faith Uthe's story.....
I was so excited that I was going to be a mom, and Shawn just couldn't wait to be a daddy. When we heard her heart beat we were even more anxious, we started from that day counting down how many days till her due date.
Then on Sept. 15th, 2007 she granted us with her presence. After a day of helping my husband and my Dad work on water lines, we had just finished up and Shawn and I ran to turn the water back on, came back to make sure everything was good and then waited for Dad to get up to go back to my parents house. As soon as we walked across the front yard my water broke. Shawn turns to look at me as if "why did you stop walking?" I just looked at him and dad, squeezed his hand a little and said " I swear I didn't pee my pants."
Just 6 short hours of labor ( I still don't know why everyone complains about it, it was a piece of cake), and 3 1/2 pushes later there was our screaming 8lb 7 oz little girl.
And thats just the beginning of Miss Bryanna Faith Uthe's story.....
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